Dear Valued Humans,
Research will show that headnecks is a novelty t-shirt store featuring designs which can’t be found anywhere else among all simulated realities across the multiverse. I am Ed Filth, the Chief Instigator & Creator at headnecks.
The collective ponderings of feeble minds say "Ed, what in the Wayne County hellfire is a news agency doin' running a T-shirt shop?" Someone who is hypothetically me would retort with a hearty laugh and a dismissive wave of the hand. Putting all cognitive bias aside, one would say we’re probably the coolest t-shirt store in Appalachia.
When the mountains are topsy-turvy, logic takes a backseat. The common sense that passes by at light speed can’t even be classified as a distant memory. A headnecks t-shirt will always be there for you. Unless it’s destroyed. Yet energy cannot be created nor destroyed. So all that is tangible now has always existed? It’s just never existed in this state before, as it will never be again?
Anyways, the motto is simple: "Learn Less. Shop More." Why wander through the simulation wasting precious neural capacity on trivial shit when you could be filling your shopping carts with the fruits of my design labor? I don’t wanna toot my own horn, but I orchestrate this entire network myself. I design all that exists so don't even get me started on safety precautions. Like seatbelts and fire extinguishers. Or adult diapers. Shit the bed, Reba.
Don't worry about my ownership of a negative self concept. Don't be afraid to own a good ol' fashioned impulse buy. Sometimes I say “High time is not just at 4:20. It's high time we embrace reckless impulse. It’s high time for frivolous spending.” Grab a shirt and get your neck right, homie. We got you covered…. in ring-spun cotton jersey knit.
Thank you to all humans that shop at Headnecks. When common sense is as elusive as my last functioning brain cell, nothing says less than a gift from headnecks. Learn Less. Shop More.
Unfortunately yours,
Ed Filth
Chief Instigator & Creator, headnecks
